#weird or intense or whatever
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#was messing around with polls. not exactly poetry but it was fun to write.#this actually started as an STP post before devolving into whatever it is now#what’s better than being trapped in the time loop alone?#forming a weird and intense relationship with the person trapped in the time loop with you!#time loop#in stars and time#tumblr polls#poll poetry#???#random polls#madbard polls#madbard writes#ugh I’m tempted to add more tags but I didn’t write this in Siffrin or Loop’s voice so it feels weird#and while this started as STP it definitely isn’t that anymore.
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Long time no see <3
#hope he looks old in the second drawing argggh#based on the first half of clapton's 'layla' and the second half#something about how its starts off intense and a little overbearing and completely changes into something softer :')#whatever im getting sappy. look at the weird little fellas#f/o blog#selfship#selfship community#tf2 sniper#my art#proships dni#ok to rb#tf2 self insert#sniper tf2#self ship#oc x canon#self ship community#selfship art#tf2 spoilers#the days have worn away#💘🔫#💞📻
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Goodnight out there, whatever you are.
#goodnight out there whatever you are#goodnight#goodnight out there#weird#the weird#black and white#horror#film#movie#monster#Bela Lugosi#White Zombie#evil eye#hypnotize#mezmerize#intense
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um! also! i did end up making a sideblog for my oc/self-ship blog! working on the theme at the moment :))
#i'm STRUGGLING with the layout#but uhhh#i'm a little nervous to post on that one idk#again#i know very little about self-shipping/yumeshipping/whatever it's called#but i just want to write about my silly little s/i characters somewhere#if you're like a veteran self-shipper (staring intensely at several of my mutuals) pls if you could let me know how it works#idk#i feel weird asking lol
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Sonic is the kind of guy that's either Literally Immortal or will die in his mid to late twenties in a freak accident during one of his adventures
#ramblings#personally don't think he'd die doing something heroic like he simply would not let that happen#he will plot armor his way through every intense battle against eggman or whatever malignant entity threatening the world#he would however die in the middle of bumfuck nowhere after jumping off a cliff for fun (as one does)#without realizing there were spikes at the bottom or something. he'd just be like it is what it is ig#idk is this too grim. this feels weird to talk abt but it's been on my mind for a while#drawing sonic as a wind spirit all that while ago got me thinking weird man idk
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dissecting stanford pines and finding organs that don’t exist but like in a metaphorical way
that’s it that’s the title i’m going with. this is a long one folks o7
most of this isn’t sourced or canon at all it’s just personal interpretation/headcanon/whatever else u wanna call it, but!! since more people are seeing my deranged gravity falls ramblings now i figure i should probably give some perspective as to why i like/defend ford as much as i do
(in my other gf posts i do try to stick to canon to back up whatever point i’m making - this is just about my personal opinion of ford as a character, and should be able to be thrown out in regards to my other posts)
so for some background/setup/whatever (it’s important i promise bear with me), different people have different instinctual responses to anxiety/stress. i come from a family (genetics are fun) where the default response is to start (metaphorically ofc) biting and hissing like a cornered animal. this doesn’t necessarily mean there’s any actual hatred or malice or anything towards the people that end up getting scratched - they might just be at the wrong place at the wrong time, they might’ve done something super minor and insignificant that added on to a preexisting pile of stress, etc etc
i cannot stress enough that i am not saying this is ok. you dont need me to tell you that hurting people who don’t deserve it is a bad thing, lol. what i am saying though is that sometimes people can kind of suck for reasons other than just genuinely wanting everyone around them to be miserable
this is the last “background” part i swear BUT another thing thats less genetic and more just me being weird is that i’m the type of person where like. any minor environmental change can really stress me out lol. like even just reorganizing my desk can be pretty emotionally taxing
SO. finally back on topic. stanford pines. i see a lot of the behavior/patterns i just described in him. like i’ve spent my entire life around people like this, and while i understand why a lot of people see him as just some asshole, i can’t help but see him as a guy who’s just kinda going through it lol
just talking about the more recent events as of the series, he’s just spent 30 years god knows where doing and seeing god knows what, he has an abusive ex who wants to murder him and his entire family (plus the whole dimension, really), and in the three decades he’s been gone the entire world - including his own house - has changed and left him behind. add onto that that he went missing in 1982, way before we had all of the emotional/mental health resources we have now, we all saw what the stans’ childhood was like, and that ford is terrible with people - including, imo, himself. if there’s anybody out there who would have Feelings and not understand what they are or where they’re coming from or what to do about them, it’s this guy
this entire setup is the perfect circumstance for fear and anxiety and stress and uncertainty to all get translated into anger. a really big example of this, to me, is how he talks about dipper in journal 3. i’ve talked about this before somewhere so i’ll try to summarize as fast as i can lol
reading his initial entry about dipper would make u think he like. hates this kid lol. but i really don’t think he ever did - he was really excited to meet the kids in the show and already seemed to care about them just by virtue of existing, and his opinion on dipper in journal 3 seems to do a complete 180 pretty quickly which ,,, doesn’t really fit ford as a character. like i love the man but that guy can hold a GRUDGE
here’s how it reads to me:
ford gets back to his home dimension after 30 years and everything is different
he’s subconsciously kind of struggling with the fact that he doesn’t really have a “home” anymore - the sense of familiarity and comfort that would normally come with the word is gone. (i specify that it’s subconscious because, like i said earlier, i do not get the vibe that he’s particularly aware of his own emotions)
he finds out that journal 3 - something he made with his own two hands and considers part of his life’s work - has also changed in the decades he’s been gone. this adds to the feeling of unfamiliarity with the world around him
it’s easier to blame that “final straw” and say that he’s just upset about his work being tampered with rather than address the actual root of the problem, so that’s exactly what he does. this still doesn’t mean that there’s any genuine hatred towards dipper. anger in the moment, yeah, but not hatred
again, this is entirely personal interpretation, and i completely understand if u don’t see it like this!! this is just a pattern of thoughts/behavior that i’m very familiar with, so it’s easy for me to apply it to situations like this even if it’s not really part of the canon
i also think there’s a big problem in this fandom with just ,, not seeing ford as a Person with Emotions? idk how to explain it but it feels like people expect him to always know exactly what to do in every situation just bc he’s old and academically smart. like whenever another character does something objectively bad it’s “well there were extenuating circumstances,” (which is usually true and i agree !!) but ford never really seems to get that treatment. if he does something bad it’s just because he sucks
a big example of this i think is the fight between him and stan (y’know the “you ruined my life”/“you ruined your own life”). you cannot look me dead in the eyes and, in full seriousness, with the context of everything ford was going through with bill at the time, say that he was fully mentally/emotionally stable during that conversation. “oh so you’re blaming stan-“ NO!!! stan was also going through it!!! that’s the entire point - they’re both people with their own lives and emotions and everything else that comes with that, they had very human reactions to their respective situations, and they both ended up hurt!! hopefully i’m explaining this right but i just don’t like it when people pin everything on ford, like there was a lot going on and at the end of the day he’s just a human
wasn’t really sure how to work this in so i’ll just put it here - i don’t think ford ever truly hated stan, either. familial bonds are complicated, and there can be a whole lot of anger towards someone without true hatred being present. i briefly mentioned the stans’ childhood sucking earlier, and i don’t just mean stanley - it’s easier to pinpoint him as a victim of abuse/neglect, but that doesn’t mean ford had it great either. their parents (specifically filbrick, but caryn didn’t exactly do a fantastic job with them either) expected nothing of stan and the world of ford, both of which would weigh heavily on any child. plus, ford being the favorite doesn’t mean all of his emotional needs were met - filbrick seeing him as an opportunity to make money doesn’t mean he was suddenly an emotionally present and caring father towards him. WCT wasn’t just an opportunity for ford to go be a famous scientist or whatever - it was a chance for his father to love him, something both of the stans desperately wanted. (WCT was also on the opposite side of the country from where they lived but i’m sure that’s completely unrelated !!!)
do i think stan deserved anything that happened to him after the science fair incident? no, absolutely not, he was a child. do i think it was right of ford to just stand there as his brother got thrown out? no, absolutely not - but he was a child too. as for them not speaking for a decade after that, like i mentioned earlier ford can hold a grudge like no other. (this doesn’t just apply to stan, either, ford dedicated half of his life to trying to kill his ex lmao.) i think ford’s ability to hold on to anger like that is actually a pretty major part of/flaw in his personality, but again, anger - even the strongest, most long-lived of it - is not synonymous with hatred. stan, who ford has always gone to for help when he truly needed it, it not what ford’s hatred looks like. bill, who ford actively wants to die, is
anyways!! i never know how to close these things lol. ig in summary i just see ford’s behavior (in the show at least) as more of a sign of internal struggle rather than like ,, genuinely hating the people around him and wanting their lives to suck. did/does he have an ego problem? absolutely. is he incapable of love and human connection? no. is he immune to manipulation/abuse/neglect/etc and everything that comes with that? also no
he’s an interdimensional criminal why can’t he go to the theraprism. i think he should
#also if u look at the WCT incident and him being mad at dipper for writing in the journal as parallel situations#i think it actually does show changes/development in ford as a person#sure WCT would’ve like changed the trajectory of his life or whatever and the journal was ultimately Not That Serious#but the fact that he was so quick to let go of that anger - something he’s never really been shown to do in the past -#does make it seem like he’s changed in the last 30 years#like i see a lot of people say he hasn’t grown at all since (insert pre-series time period)#but i don’t think that’s true. like u can’t tell me 30-smth year old ford would be chilling in his basement with a 12 year old playing dd&md#like he HAS mellowed out with age. he’s also just weird and has a naturally kind of intense personality#anyways normal tag time my brain is melting i’ve been writing for so long lmao#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#stanford gravity falls#ford gravity falls#gravity falls ford#gravity falls stanford#twoa.txt
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Still technically doing Inktober, just a lot slower. The Silent Hill 2 remake has been a lot of fun. Working on a Lofi-Loid, cause why the hell not. Art rambles under the cut
Not the happiest with it but that's what I get for not actually using perspective..... So this might (mostly likely) will get remade. I want everything to be busier, might use my own desk to set up a reference real quick and make everything a little bit easier. Still, this was a lot of fun to work on, and I'm probably going to use it to figure out how I want to handle shading, so its going to get messy and look weird lmao
next time will be better
#spy x family#art wip#inktober#ink drawing#like anya's arm look weird#and the niblings are vacationing so I couldn't ask them to help make a reference#and I couldn't find a reference online#but that can all be hidden with some intense shading#plus I kinda wanted to use this to practice lighting#sorry rambling#don't know if this will be finished or tossed but whatever happens happens
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Amateur Hour but I gotta outsource this. Aromantics. Heed my call. What is "romantic" love to a non-believer?
Bonus Round if you're not entirely ace -- does experiencing any amount of sexual attraction influence your answer? Also acknowledging that both aro/ace identities exist on a spectrum. Believe me. I am deeply familiar... with so many kinds of spectrums........... 🧍
Also if this breaches containment It's Not That Serious........... just a personal question. For a friend. Me 🙂↕️
#was so tempted to put 'sometimes 'love' is just autistic obsession' as an answer bc on god#i do think that's a factor for me. like. espppppp in moe's case. moe is just Obsessed w alfonse.#extremely weird about him constantly studying him. like. it does feel like love... the intensity of it..... but.#both me and moe. most romance repulsed motherfuckers out there.#like. like. not to get too personal but the one relationship i did have. i genuinely felt i loved him#but i also think. so much of it was me reflecting what i Think love was 'supposed' to look like.#most importantly he was my best friend (at the time). and i def did feel differently about him than i did anyone else/even other friends#which is why i'm so conflicted... like half i did genuinely love him half i've never been able to love correctly#and it's always taken some level of putting on a performance according to what i see to 'perform' love#like. like. am i just autistic. does it just come down to the autism again.#but also esp nowadays like. back on my bullshit. i actually ALWAYS hesitate to call whatever moe has w alfonse 'romantic'#like. i think he does feel/experience romantic feelings. but moe is just so dysfunctional and messy#that like. i don't think it would call anything it feels about alfonse romance.#but it still completely adores him. in a way that's distinct from how it loves sharena and how it feels about anyone else.#even charas it admires. somehow. which honestly jusy leads me back to The Obsession again#also extremely focal is how the demisexuality kicks in. like. it's definitely not devoid of sexuality.#IDK IDK I'M TALKING TOO MUCH I'VE TALKED TOO MUCH AND I'M SO TIRED. I'VE BEEN SO TIRED#i'm not in my feelings honestly i'm just frustrated LMFAOOO LIKE. SCREAMING. WHY DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#why am i preordained by fate to never be loved OR understood. wjat the hell man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I couldn’t settle on one colour so this guy gets all of them
#sorry. it’s another robot in weird formal wear.#sorry it’s fucking blue and white again#i promise I can design things outside of this but I am!!!! stuck rn#art tag#oc tag#ned dex and this guy all wear shirt and ties#ned has more of a generic work attire whereas dex has whatever he has going on#an undershirt with. long sleeves that are also fingerless gloves. his shirt. his tie and then a cropped hoodie#then twenty ALSO wears a shirt. but his is under a regular hoodie that goes under a trench coat#naro and zero don’t wear formal wear#zero’s outfit doesn’t really need to be logical so idk what’s going on there#Naro’s outfit vaguely just looks like pjs#they’re not but I don’t know how else to describe that#and this guy wears a whole ass suit#anyway!!#his colour changing isn’t a voluntary thing#if he focuses REALLY hard he can change his colours#but usually it changes depending on a task he’s doing and he does it without notice#it IS also sometimes an emotional thing#but if it’s an intense emotion like sadness or anger they’ll just go grey more than anything
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i was a quiet kid that didnt really express itself very much or ask for anything and i could entertain myself if i realized nobody was paying attention to me but it lead to me feeling neglected/ignored when it seems like from my parents perspective i just never expressed any types of needs or distress, whenever i ask my mom about my childhood she said i was "low maintenance"
#im sure this is fairly common especially in teenagers but i had pretty weird/intense attachment issues later on#since i didnt really know how to get attached to people and easily felt abandoned and rejected#also i always felt somewhat like. detached from my parents. which made me feel weird since even people#with parents that objectively sucked way more had more positive emotion toward theirs#sorry oversharing blast out of nowhere#i just think its intesting...#i always found my emotional detachment/disorganized attachment issues & general . idk. difficulty with sentimentality a bit alienating#and i do think some of it is nurture rather than just nature like my autism or whatever i had causing a feedback loop where i never#learned certain skills
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Me *minding my own business zoning out*
My brain: Mmm, Stardew Valley Alien Stage au with Seb, Abby, and Sam
Me: ???????????????????????????
#Sdv#Stardew#stardew valley#Sdv Sebastian#Sdv Sam#Sdv Abigail#alien stage#alnst#I genuinely have no fucking clue where that came from???#my brain is weird when it’s left to do whatever it wants#I have intense brainrot
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ruh roh it's happening again (a fic scene has come to me in a joan of arc-esque vision and i am powerless to resist)
#*crackles knuckles* rookanis i'm coming for you#i've been chewing at the bit to write fic so luxuriously foodie for YEARS and they fit so perfectly#chanelling the spirits of gold gill and bourdain to make the blorbos from my game fall in love or whatever#sidenote but intensely weird to feel the attention of your fandom fixation move so wholly after 2.5 years. nice but weird.#back on my viddy game bullshit i'm fucken HOME#reiverwrites
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I kind of disagree with the idea that Kokichi ever really had a close friendship with Gonta. I think what Kokichi was doing there was more complicated than that. not necessary malicious against Gonta specifically but I can't see them being genuinely close friends either.
#shut up me#mmmm. if I had more spoons maybe I would try to explain my thoughts on this in more depth but#I really struggle with it#but even without the haze of the intense emotions ch4 makes me feel I genuinely don't think they were close friends ever#Gonta mightve thought so in ch2#but not ch4#they probably had a moment of weird exisal-hanger esc solidarity in the virtual world#but they were not friends#I do genuinely think Kokichi was using him. but again not even because he hated him specifically or whatever#its more complicated than that
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We're at that very awkward stage in a new hyperfixation where I keep trying to find ways to work The Bad Batch (and more specifically Tech) into conversations, and I'm not finding the openings so I'm just plonking them in there anyway...
Anyway... after what I thought was just a casual mention, a colleague was like "wow, you're really into this"
#the bad batch#sometimes the interest is so intense i slip up on my masking and people are left like “..uh?”#i have bb stickers on whatsapp now so i can literally just drop those fuckers into whatever conversations i want XD#i'm so sorry guys T_T#honestly they should be thankful that they are getting a break from me talking about sauron#although i'm feeling a silm re-read coming on in which case i *will* return to being weird about that man
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yall gotta stop blaming tiktok for things that started on tumblr 10 years ago. the cringe is coming from inside the house
#“people on tiktok wont stop diagnosing themselves using criteria that everyone experiences�� 2014 bpd tumblr.#[any intense fandom thing like kinning being weird at the actors etc] tumblr. still tumblr. did we forget voltron#“any iteration of kinning/shifting/whatever” tumblr 2013-today#“people on tiktok are so PURITANICAL” anti/proship discourse. once again did we forget voltron#any discourse that exists on tiktok that we are acting better than now existed on tumblr when we were the same age as these people#we are now just old#even shit like intrusive thought discourse wrt “omg guys the intrusive thoughts won!” like... we all remember that “intrusive thought to#pick up a crunchy leaf and eat it" post. it was contentious even then#the young gen z/older gen alpha on tiktok are not our enemies. they are us#we were worse even.#at least the people on tiktok don't call the guy who made it daddy
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#medical in tags#so it's been. a day.#avoided an ER trip <3#bp was 117/91 resting. so a bit high on the diastolic (120/80 is the standard). also narrow pulse pressure.#(not enough space in between the numbers)#which on its own? whatever. usual POTS weirdness. I'm always a bit narrow (but usually much lower).#but ALSO my heart rate was resting at about 90 and I was shaky and having nosebleeds#which. kind of elevates the situation a bit. lol.#I got better after a beta blocker and intense hydrating but I had to call my mom once the nosebleed hit.#I get them randomly all the time but in conjunction with the other symptoms it was worrying.#and I got better- or at least my symptoms subsided after a beta blocker- but it's Not Good when your EMT mother is worried!#she has seen All The Things. she knows when something's an emergency and when it's just otc meds worthy.#so to hear her giving me clear orders of what to do in her EMT voice over the phone was... not good :)#anyways. doing better now but still kind of spooked.#i've been watching too much house md. i need to stop for a bit lol it makes my own medical anxiety so much worse#BUT IT'S INTERESTINGGGGGGG. on s3. i need tritter dead.
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